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Valentine’s Day is a day when lovers traditionally express their affection with greetings and gifts. For anyone trying to conceive it should be a day to do just that. A day to forget about the stresses and anxieties that infertility can create. Whatever your relationship status it provides an opportunity to spend time with loved ones. And give each other the best gift you can give, which is support.
How did it all begin?
Valentine’s Day has become a huge commercial event, and is celebrated around the world but how did it originate?
At least three different saints named Valentine are recognised by the Catholic Church. One legend dates back to the third century in Rome when Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, so he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, a Roman priest was upset by this injustice and set about defying Claudius by marrying young couples in private. Action, which was finally discovered, and Valentine was put to death.
Others believe that the Christian Church opted to place Valentine’s Day in the middle of February to mirror the pagan celebration of ‘Lupercalia’. This was a fertility rooted festival held in mid February, dedicated to the Fanus, the Roman God of agriculture.
The festival of Lupercalia began with priests sacrificing a goat for fertility and a dog for purification. The goat’s hide was then cut into strips, dipped in the sacrificial blood and taken to the streets where they were gently slapped on women. Despite this physical intrusion Roman women were apparently happy to participate as it was believed that the process would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later all the young women would place their names in a big pot and bachelors would draw out names and be subsequently paired with the women for a year!
The festival of Lupercalia was unsurprisingly outlawed in the 5th century for being “un-Christian” and the then Pope declared February 14th as ‘St. Valentine’s Day’. However, it was not until the 14th century when the association between the day and romance became stronger.
A global phenomenon
Roll on five hundred years or so and the practice of exchanging hand made valentine cards started to become popular with the first mass produced cards being sold in America in the 1840’s. Today, it is estimated that over 145 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged globally, making it the second largest care sending holiday of the year next to Christmas!
The ever expanding commercialisation of the holiday has meant that it has become difficult to avoid and it is another one of those days which can be triggering and associated with anxiety for those struggling with infertility.
The stress of medical procedures, their cost and the frustration of trying to conceive can diminish or erode love between partners and cause further stress. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Take some time out and remember what made you fall in love with that person in the first place.
Taking time to pause and refresh will help you stay connected as a couple and exchanging gifts and spending quality time together is a great way to start.
The Tambre Guide to the perfect Valentine’s Day
Here are our Hot tips for Valentine’s Day to remember.
It’s a date
Arrange a romantic date-night in or at your favourite restaurant.
Don’t talk fertility
Don’t talk about meds, treatment, clinics – focus on you as a couple, its your time.
Sensual, not sexual
Sex may be the last thing on your mind if you are having treatment or on medication so try something a little different, like a massage for instance, take your time, enjoy the intimacy without any pressure.
And finally
Remember Valentine’s Day need not be solely about sex and romance – it can be a time to reconnect. Think positive – it is one of those celebratory days that does not focus around children and families – it is about couples, your day, so do something just for the two of you. Try to treat Valentine’s Day as one you look forward to rather than dread. For those going through treatment, refocus on ‘us’, and remember the best Valentine’s Day you can give each other is support.
Everyone experiences Valentine’s Day differently, pause and use it to launch, or restart your journey.
Contact Tambre and make the day after Valentine’s Day the first of your journey to parenthood.
